Sunday, May 08, 2011

Rumours of my rebirth have been greatly exaggerated

It was suggested here that this blog, along with its scrawny balding operator, are going through a sort of Adeel-naissance. This Adeel-naissance is putatively marked by posts that are increasingly combative, caustic and disagreeable in their disagreement. Personally I find the argument to be without water. If my posts of late seem more belligerent, it's not that they themselves are more belligerent, but simply that there are more of them.

At any rate, I did turn 25 years old this a few days ago, an occasion appropriately marked with pompous circumstances. I got to do many of the things I love most, such as drink coffee on a sunny weekday afternoon, observe the city from a mountain, eat pastries and read. However, looking back at your life is not simply to put tape of your greatest hits into a cassette player, so many of the more blatant failures of my life were neatly sequenced into the space of one Friday morning, the first day of the second 25 years of my life.

To wit:

- I ran in what seemed like a 10 x 100m relay race involving just about every teacher at my school. I've never been particularly fleet of foot, and trying to catch up to the person in front of me, I set off a chain reaction of explosions from my hamstrings to my lower back.

- I've always sucked at sports, but I don't think I've ever sucked at sports in front of every single person at my school.

- This didn't stop me from playing soccer for about an hour right after this, though I don't think I'd played an hour of soccer combined in the preceding 25 years, and it showed.

- I got caught up in the rain without an umbrella to cap the day.

- Upon returning home, my back seized up to the point that it took all my strength to crawl about 8 feet to my dining table to answer the phone. I crawled because I couldn't walk.

Still, my life hasn't been a total wash, so let's pull out the old scorecard.

Skills learned:

- reading
- writing
- basic motor skills
- can usually stand upright when called on
- can grip small objects using opposable thumb

Skills not learned:

- swimming
- cycling
- following instructions
- drawing
- how to express Canadian Confederation in a 3-5 minute skit

Places lived:

- Pakistan 32%
- Canada 56%
- South Korea 12%

Sports tried, formally:

- running
- wrestling
- baseball

Phobias acquired:

- water fowl
- heights (since lost)
- concrete dividers on highways
- ostriches (this its own category)
- unleashed dogs (mostly gone)
- tying a tie in a rush

Useless skills acquired:

- ancient Greek (mostly gone)
- unfortunately photographic memory of baseball statistics
- words which frequently appear on the GRE
- typing at 100 WPM
- the differences between the major schools of Greek philosophy
- why you use the phrase "it begs the question" incorrectly


Rob-o-SE-yo said...

Great post, especially the stock-taking lists. If you want to feel cranky and old, hang out with people who are younger than yourself. If you want to feel fresh and idealistic, hang out with people older than yourself.

And happy birthday. I remember my 25th birthday. My parents had just arrived in Korea, to visit for the first time, because we'd just found out my mom was terminally ill. I don't think it gets more bittersweet than that.

Alex said...

I had forgotten you couldn't swim. I should teach you!

And if it makes you feel any better, 26 is trying to kill me.

Anonymous said...

I need to take the GRE at the end of June.
Any tips for learning those words?

andré said...

Someday you will appreciate those baseball statistics.